Democratic Debate Cocktails

Get ready for tonight's debate with these candidate-themed libations.

The Hillary Clinton:
-Start with a glass of champagne, and add a splash of something that's like Southern Comfort, but isn't the real thing.
-Then add some bitters—any flavor will do as long as it's aged. Best would be bitters from 2008.
-If the press is attending, extend a olive branch into the drink and then rescind it.
-Garnish with some sour grapes, and serve super cold while trying to look warm.

The Bernie Sanders:
-This drink is a classic White Russian with a few new wrinkles to make it go down easier.
-Now fill the glass with plenty of other people's money—the drink just doesn't work without it.
-Finish with a splash of our forefathers tears, and make sure to equally distribute tiny portions to everyone.

I could show you how to make a Lincoln Chafee or a Jim Webb or an Martin O'Mally, but let's be honest, nobody's going to drink those.

While it may be early, just in case...

The Joe Biden:
-Just reach into your fridge without looking and put whatever you grabbed into the glass. It may sound stupid, but people will know you mean well, and they may even find it endearing.
-In a pinch, you can just take someone else's cocktail and claim it as your own.

Now you're ready for the debate. So kick back, relax, and enjoy what you've created, America.

About 1:15 minutes.

Produced by Austin Bragg.